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Metasonix KV-100 Assblaster

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Description
The Metasonix KV-100 is not called the "Assblaster" for nothing. We've taken all of our knowledge of extreme vacuum-tube audio processing and combined it into a single convenient, easy-to-use package. Inevitably, the end of the TM series will cause shit-eating, ass-fisting guitar players to whine about how "underappreciated" they are. So, we're feeding them a foot-long fecal sandwich of audio penis.

It's complete with disgusting and juvenile cartoon art by Dave Lovelace, of Retarded Animal Babies fame.

The KV-100 contains the following:

--five goddamn real new-old-stock VACUUM TUBES. Two 6AK5s, one 6BQ7/BS8, one 5696 or 5663 thyratron, and a 6GH8.

--the basic preamp stage of our TM-7 Scrotum Smasher, driving:

--the waveshaping (pulser) and ring modulation functions of our TM-1, minus the ring-modulator carrier oscillator, which then drives;

--a VCO derived from our TM-3 (it is NOT intended for use as a synthesizer pitch source, only as a special effect for signal degradation), leading to;

--an all-new wide-sweeping bandpass filter, with envelope filter function plus wah capability (external pedal);

--plus an envelope follower, which also makes a gate signal;

--and a noise gate on the output, which is always active and is driven by said gate signal.

Plus relay-based true bypass for the main circuit, plus relay controlled activation of the VCO and pulser. Controllable with manual switches or external Fender-type amp footswitches.

Plus plenty of processing inputs and outputs for control voltages. No MIDI, dammit.

Only 8 knobs allow for vast ranges of distortion and effects, from subtle to flaming-enema. It's for those filthy, nutsack-sucking guitarists. Because they deserve, and love, flaming enemas.

Yes, you can plug your damn guitar into it, Yes, you can plug line-level sources into it. Yes you can run the output to a guitar amp or any mixer. Yes, all the inputs and outputs are compatible with modular synthesizers.

No, it's not sorta-kinda-like a Line 6 anything. No, it's not a tube-man version of a Digi-Tech or Boss any-damn-thing. No, for the ten-millionth time, it won't make you play like Steve Vai, ass-sucker. I'm getting really sick of feeding sarcasm to the geeks who own 40 bootleg Korn albums and read Guitar World with their lips moving. (They say things like "Dude, I bought them off a guy in the public toilet, he said they wuz real!") There's so many of them, and they are so brainless, I could type anything here and they'd never know or understand. One would think that after our TX-1 Agonizer, TX-2 Butt Probe, and TM-7 Scrotum Smasher, they would know better than to ask stupid questions. Feel free to gnaw the crust off my taint, Tiny Worm Guitar Dude. Jeff Beck is dead, and you're a fairy boy wearing pink satin panties and a matching bra. Your mother's penis is bigger than yours. And your father is a duckbill platypus. Have a nice day, scroad.
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Technical Specifications
Type: Analog
Synthesis: Oscillator(s), Wave Shaping
Oscillators
Oscillators: 1
Osc Modulation: Input, Knob, Ring Modulation
Envelopes
Envelopes: 1
Envelope Notes::
+ envelope follower
Filters
Filters: 1
Types: Band Pass
Filter Modulation: Input, Knob
Filter Notes:
+ sweeping
+ envelope filter
Polyphony & Tuning
Polyphony: 1
Timbrality: 1
Case
Case: Desktop
Controls: Buttons, Knobs, Mod - Wheel 2, Modulation 1/4" Jacks
Display Type: LED
Dimensions (WxDxH): 12.25 x 7.4 x 6.5 inches / 314 x 186 x 168 mm
Weight: 2 lbs / 1.4 kg
Connections
Audio Output Connections: 1/4" Phone Jack, Mono Out
CV Ports: CV IN, CV OUT
Power: 12V AC 1.5 amps
Production
Year Released: 2012
Year Discontinued: 2013
Manuals & Documents

Product Links
Company Product Sites:
[+] www.metasonix.com
Pricing
MSRP List Price: $999 - convert
Retail Street Price: $899 - convert
Used Price: $1,700 - $2,800 - convert
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